LETTER TO THE "ED'STER"

by Eddie Torrance


Dear Ed'ster,

Lately, in the midst of this global scale pandemic, it seems that news sources are raging with erroneously misleading, and often times, delusive and misrepresentative fiction and apocryphal, rather than authentic and accurate validity in reporting. How are readers supposed to separate fact from fiction?

Sincerely, Frazzled Over Fallacies


Dear FOF,

As difficult as it may be to be derivative of derelict dictions over apocryphal anthologies, I share with you what my pappy once shared with me: Go with gusto the genius of your gut. If you don't think it's true news, then don't believe it. Easy peasy, simple as pie (but not that rhubarb crap, that stuff has to be grown with precision, harvested at a rigorously specific definitive time, cooked to perfection and then sweetest in such a manner that too much or too little can either leave you with a tart that would pucker up even the most astringent of connoisseurs, or cause a diabetic coma that would acerbate even the most delectable sacchariferous tooth).

CRAZY CAT COLUMN

by Kittence Saplenti


Dear Kittence,

I'm afraid it's just happened. I've adopted my dozenth cat. Am I now the crazy cat lady? Please advise.

Sincerely, Fern Goode-Nessake


Dear Fern,

I suppose it depends on your mental state, actually, or that or the cats you've acquired. As long as you're the ruler of the house, and not the cats, I'd imagine your quite sane, unless you've been otherwise diagnosed by a Clinical Psychologist. Keep your litter in check and you shall be purrfectly fine!

PREACHING TO THE CROWD

by O'Dios Meeyo


Dear Mr. Meeyo,

For years, I was a firm believer, but now I'm having trouble having good faith in anything these days. I see blasphemy and hypocrisy all around me. I don't know where to place my faith, but my fellow man seems to fall far from the tree of life, liberty and the pursuit of life and liberty. To whom should I place my trust, and to whom shall I fear?

Sincerely, Dubious Darryl Ickt


Dear Dubi, Brotha,

Have faith, ma man! Do not let naysayers and those of little faith cast a shadow on your light. If you have to, buy the tactical kind, they're much brighter and last for hundreds of hours, illuminating with such a strong LED presence (Lord of Earth and Divine), with light so bright, you can see it from the ISS! Shine that sucka, and blind those who would put blinders upon you. Don't let them get you down, for only the grace of the Almighty can reveal His ever loving kismet for you. Do not listen to their forked tongues (that's such a silly trend anyway), but believe in what you know you know in your heart of hearts - the heart of the matter, deep within your being, within your heart, the most earnest of earnest of faiths, and cast out any doubt of what is untruth, and who is speaking it. Give it up and lift it up and you will find yourself uplifted and floating in a cloud of knowledge that is so out of this world, that you won't have words to describe it. Fear not, for He will make your light brighter than the batteries that make it shine! Keep the faith, and know that faith will keep you!