WASHINGTON RED FACED AFTER RENAMING

by Meen'jo Greene

Sources closest to the Washington football team admitted the team suffered a crushing blow on Friday when they announced the renaming of their famed football franchise, despite claims that the name Redskins was a reference to the dyed leather of the football. In a move that warrants notice by sportsfans nationwide, the team's spokesperson announced their incredulous name change from The Washington Redskins, to now, The 'Washington Team's Football' league (The WTF) claiming they are "on the precipice of something truly amazing and original in the football arena, and it will be something that will set the standard for other teams who have come under heavy scrutiny regarding names that are now being called 'racist' and unsympathetic of changing times and racial injustice. Washington wants to hike the ball hard, to quarterback change in the league that has been a long time coming and make a hard pass to open minds and open receivers of necessary transitions that are well past due. We hope to score a touchdown on our originality that we hope best reflects the fanbase of Washington state."

One former Redskins fan, Chuck McGeez, commented, "The name's a joke! It's obvious the owner don't want change, they're just throwing interception with such a hokie name suggestion. What kind of jerkaholic is bent on inflaming the fans and defying the cardinal rule of football by dropping the ball and creating such an upset among patrons of the sport? He's far from the endzone on this one, and got my dermis blushing to be a Washington fan. This ain't no spectator sport, it's seriously running the sidelines of interference. This is the first down, he better get his political players back in a huddle and come up with a better play! This nom de guerre won't fly."

Clearly, the playbook has barely been cracked and if Washington hopes to carry the ball beyond the current season, they better come up with a strategy that keeps football fanatics happy and give the ball a bigger punt than simply dropping a eponym with racist connotations. For the current season, Washington football will not have merchandise for sale, fearing that people will simply burn it in protest until Washington brands a new alias that will surely be a game changer for the team.

In Related News:

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS COME UNDER FIRE

Reported by Nava Joe

In related news, Kansas City is also struggling with a name change, after pressure from authorities pressed the team to adjust to a more politically friendly environment, and after suggestions of The Tomahawks did not sit well with Native Americans, is considering using the example of Washington for relabeling the team, although, rumors of being rechristened The Hurricanes are in the wind, with possibility surrounding the team being transferred to Oz in the Spring, maybe 'The Whiz' might be a better choice.

The Biggest problem Kansas City faces, however, is dialect, since it is "so commonplace in casual conversation to call someone 'Chief.'" The Kansas City Commissioner, Spokane Wyrd, went onto explain, "Listen up, Chief, it's about expressionism. It's going to be difficult to scalp a word from common conversation, and will take years, I imagine, for the word to be chopped from the city's bourgeois jargon. We'll just have to put out heads together and try not to pull our hair out as we give people time to get used to the notion, and try to cut it from everyday speech. But, bless your heart for hearing me out on that."

Kansas City faces a possible surge in trepidation of outcries from various groups who have desired for the football franchise to drop stigmas and dub the team something more original and befitting of the infamous city itself. May they strive to create a more unified team as they powwow over a new denotation that best represents all who call Kansas City home, no matter the heritage.